A Funny Patriotic Rant This 4th of July

Iran-election-protests-hit-US-streetsWhen you see the people in Taiwan- or anywhere else for that matter- having freeBallotInitiative-X elections, it makes you proud that we invented modern democracy. God, I love this country. Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but while I am cynical toward politics and government in general, I am a patriot through and through. I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I’m allowed to hate it if I want to. I’ve been patriotic for a long time. I wasn’t quite old enough to be drafted into the army during the Vietnam War, but had I been, you can rest assured that I would have used an American rifle to shoot myself in the foot.

I hate it when foreigners come to American and start badmouthing this place. Because that’s my job. We are a nation that celebrates our Independence Day by barbecuing ourselves into a hot-linked-kielbasa coma, but patriotism, my fellow Americans, should be an around-the-clock, twelve-months-a-year job.

When it comes to fostering patriotism, we have always depended on the unkindness of strangers, countries like Germany, Russia and Iran. And trust me- we need our enemies. I mean without Bluto, Popeye’s just a vegetarian sailor who like anorexic chicks.

But my problem with patriotism is that often it’s all too easy. Where’s the challenge in saying that you’re proud to be an American? Of course you love this place. All you have to do is watch the nightly news to thank the Lord that we don’t live anywhere else. We should be flying the Stars and Stripes every day just for not living in a country with barefoot soldiers, insane heat, flat breads, and giant banners with a pockmarked, beret-wearing leader’s picture on them.

It’s unfortunate that few people take pride in being an American.  You want to dwell on this country’s f!*k-ups? Be my guest … But you might want to remember that when you stomped into CIA headquarters waving your Freedom of Information Act permission slip you were not summarily hustled into a damp sub-basement where a jackbooted sadist with one eyebrow and tinted aviators Elvis wouldn’t even fucking wear is smoking unfiltered cigarettes that smell like a skunk getting a perm as he clamps jumper cables on your nipples and starts humming the love theme from ‘Midnight Express.

–  By Dennis Miller

… An After Thought…

– “We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm.” *

– You have unfettered access to the Internet… go to China and see how they treat you!

– America has achieved greater social equality than any other society.

– In America, the destiny of the young is not given to them but is created by them.

– America has gone further than any other society in establishing equality of rights.

– America has the kindest, gentlest foreign policy of any great power in world history.


* Winston Churchill




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